The politics of the office romance
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We spend 40-plus hours of week at work so it comes as no surprise that the office is the number one destination spot for singles looking to make a love connection. But most people are ambivalent about mixing business with pleasure and if the relationship sours, one or both of you could be in jeopardy of losing a good job. What’s a lovelorn employee to do?
“Office romance enhances something called ‘engagement’ which is the Holy Grail of an employee’s commitment to a company’s success,” says Stephanie Losee, co-author of the book, Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding— and Managing— Romance on the Job. Losee and her writing partner Helaine Olen, have been married for 16 years to men they met at work. “We weren’t looking for love at work, but it just turned out that’s where we were meeting the men we ended up dating. Of course we had both heard the warnings about how God awful it’s supposed to be.”
According to an online poll conducted by the Society of Human Research Management (SHRM) and CareerJournal.com, a Web site of The Wall Street Journal, 40 percent of workers engaged in office romance and 42 percent of those ultimately got married.
So if you’re in a work environment in which there are many more attractive coworkers than you cacan count, is it truly okay to pursue love while hammering out the edits on the article due for that week’s deadline?
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Five reasons that romancing the coworker is a do
Brad Pitt met Angelina Jolie on the set of a movie and today they have six children together. Possibly the greatest example of romancing the coworker is that of Michelle and Barack Obama who met as associates at a corporate law firm. The story of their office romance began with Mrs. Obama’s one month long refusal to accept the romantic gestures of the future president over concern that a relationship would be deemed inappropriate— she was his advisor at the time. Thankfully, she caved in to the charms of Barack Obama and the rest they say is history.
“HR professionals who say they are firmly against all office romance are perhaps not divulging the degree to which they recognize its ubiquity and benefits to the company,” Losee points out.
Research from SHRM shows that while company HR verbally frown upon interoffice relationships, a 72 percent of companies do not have an existing written or verbal policy prohibiting romantic relationships between their workers.
It’s tragic to think what would have happened, or not happened, if Michelle and Barack Obama’s law firm had a “no love between coworkers” policy.
Still, if you’re considering a relationship with a colleague or are currently in one, here are some tips to keep in mind for a successful professional and personal relationship.
5. Coworkers involved in romance tend to work better and more efficiently together because they’re involved. They will often bring the work home and collaborate better in the workplace as a result of the time they spend together— there’s a 20 percent increase in productivity after a couple falls in love, Losee adds. “When both paychecks are coming from the same corporation, you can imagine the importance to the couple in helping that corporation succeed. Everybody wins,” she says.
4. Do understand that making your work a priority is a great way to make a positive impression on the coworker that has your attention. Use this as an excuse to collaborate, exchange ideas, and produce great work. You’ll not only have your love’s attention, you’ll have the adoration of your boss as well.
3. Do use the work environment to gauge a future mate’s character. If you’ve got a coworker who works hard, is open and honest with their opinions but not overly critical, you’ve got yourself a winner. Stay in close proximity with your coworker love interest and with any luck you’ll both rocket to the top together.
2. “Make sure your romance has a life outside the office and that you weren’t driven into each other’s arms because you are the battle-scarred victims of a rotten boss,” advises Losee. If you’re coming together purely for work reasons, there’s a strong possibility that the relationship will fizzle outside of the office. You’re probably spending too much time on work projects so make time to enjoy each other’s personal interests and hobbies outside of the office.
1. Do make your job and its duties your number one priority. As long as you can be realistic about your expectations of the relationship, you should be fine if it doesn’t work out. All good things do sometimes come to an end, but it doesn’t mean your responsibility as a worker ends too.
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Five reasons that romancing the coworker is a don’t
You’ve read all the reasons to pursue love on the job but now it’s time to seriously think about the repercussions that this can have on your future with the company. While there’s no denying the joy of being in a romantic relationship with a colleague, there are some very obvious perils of mixing business with pleasure— for employees and employers alike.
Likewise David Letterman has gotten himself into a bind with his office romances. The best thing about these celebrity sex scandals is for you to learn what not to do.
“I have a pure generalization that I think people should try to live by at work— ‘no fishing off the company pier.’ I also had a manager who used to say, ‘don’t get your honey where you make your money,’” says Chris Rafter, senior human resources professional. “In my opinion people should soberly consider whether getting into a relationship is worth what may be at risk,” he says.
Here are some tips on things you should not do when it comes to office romance:
5. Don’t go chasing coworkers if your intention is just for a casual hook-up. People go to work to earn a living and people go to bars for a drink and a good time. Your job is not the place for pick-ups and quickie office flings. It hurts the integrity of the workplace and your reputation as a serious worker— not to mention that you could be putting yourself at risk for a sexual harassment suit if you play the field with too many coworkers.
4. “Don’t use company email, IM, or text. These technologies are not private,” Losee warns. So remind yourself and your sweetheart that while you are at work, you should not be using the company Internet to exchange romantic or sexually explicit emails.
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3. Try not to get involved in a relationship in which one partner is a boss and the other is a subordinate. According to the SHRM research, most workers discouraged this type of pairing— 80 percent of employers and 60 percent of employees agreed that this was off limits.
Definitely do not get involved if one or more of the interested parties are married and/or involved in a committed relationship. Hold tight and withhold from acting on your desires because the consequences of being found out could end with one or both of you having to leave your jobs.
2. “It’s called an office romance because you met at work, but that doesn’t mean you conduct your romance at the office,” says Losee. While sex on the job has the thrill of secrecy and intrigue as Hollywood would like to have you believe— you saw the sexual escapades of Jennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhall in the storage room of Retail Rodeo in the film The Good Girl— in reality, this kind of behavior is bound to land you and your partner in trouble with the coworkers and the bosses. Coworkers who publicly flaunt their love are prime targets for office gossip and this will inevitably filter back to the management, which is never a good thing.
Radiah K. Givens, a social media strategist met her husband on the job five years ago and says that the best thing that she did was to keep their relationship private. “Office romance can work… if one compartmentalizes the workplace and your private life,” she explains. “No one ever knew we were dating because we stayed away from each other during work hours. When we got married it was truly a jaw dropper because… we kept it on the down low for two years,” Givens says.
1. Don’t get jealous if one partner gets promoted over the other. Competition between lovers can cause a major rift in any relationship. Losee recommends reminding yourself that you started the relationship as office buddies. “If your best friend got a promotion, how would you behave? Would you be petty, would you act jealous? No, you would be happy for your friend—genuinely happy.”
If tension continues to brew over the success of one partner, it’s likely that a long-term personal and professional relationship is not going to succeed for either of you. It doesn’t matter that your professional successes are measured by the same meter in the same company— couples who can’t be supportive of one another’s success is not a well-matched pair and should look elsewhere for fulfillment.
So do remember that office romance can and has worked for many couples. But also remember that there is a lot more at stake than just a broken heart. So before you start pursuing that attractive coworker with all the right words and ideas during meetings, do think it over and ask yourself, is this office love worth your job, if it came down to it?
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For more articles on work-related issues, please check out:
The Politics Series: The Politics of Facebook Friending your Colleagues | The Politics of being a Woman on the Job: Why can’t we all just get along? | The Politics of Being Young on the Job: Managing the Kid Boss | The Politics of being cute on the job: Are you too Sexy for the Workplace? | The Politics of the bad boss | The Politics of Office Romance
The Lists: | Five Ways to Battle the Office Backstabber | Ten Signs that You Might be a Difficult Employee
Everything in between: Tips for managing the Millennial Generation | When You’re Smarter than the Boss | Knowing When to Speak Up and When Not to |Equal Work, Unequal Pay: What to do if You’re the Victim of Gender Discrimination
Do you need advice dealing with awful coworkers, bosses and other workplace issues? Find the author on Twitter @JiHyun42 or email, jihyunnyc@gmail.com, and tell her all about it. You could be featured in an upcoming article!
Tags: Bias & Discrimination, competitive coworkers, dating coworkers, employee-employer relationships, good-looking coworkers, human resources, office romance, sexual harrassment
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