The politics of being a woman on the job: Why can’t we all just get along?

It’s hard enough competing in a job market where there are more qualified candidates than there are open positions but what do you do when your biggest nemesis is another woman abusing you to get to the top?

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute-Zogby survey, women single out other women 71 percent of the time. Women bullies also liked to enlist others to help target and harass other women. Fifty-three percent of the women being targeted suffered serious mental and physical harm as opposed to the 36 percent of the men who were bullied.

A question was posted on LinkedIn Discussion forums asking why women were tougher on other women and 85 percent of responses I received point to women as being more competitive, insecure and more aggressive with other women than they are with men. Others responded to me in a private email, discussing their own experiences with female bosses and coworkers— one man even responded saying, “I don’t know why but I have found it to be absolutely true.”

While not all female workers fall into the bullying category and some LinkedIn responders even shared some stories of positive relationships with their women bosses, many still acknowledged that women-on-women harassment is a prevailing issue in the workplace.

“My experience with women bosses has been awful,” says Margaret P, a print production professional. “It is shameful that some women do not have the skill set to become mentors to other women. I have been considered a threat way too many times in my career. Funny, I’ve never had a man feel that way.”

So it begs the question, why can’t we all just get along?


The female double standard

There is a double-edged sword for women in leadership positions. When a woman is tough and aggressive, she is often labeled a “bitch.” If a woman is friendly and accommodating, she is viewed as a “push over” and not deemed leadership material.

“Even though we’ve come a long way, women still are not on an equal par with men. The perception is that we are ‘softer’ than men. So often times, women will become harder to show they can be compete in management roles,” says Dr. Barbara Seifert, founder of Committed to Your Success Coaching & Consulting.

The workplace had always been a “man’s world” and women in the workforce vying for the coveted executive-level position with men is a fairly new phenomenon that the corporate culture is still adjusting to. Those in management often question a woman’s ability to lead while men are always presumed to have what it takes. Many women bosses had to climb the corporate ladder having to contend with mostly-male competitors and it maybe why some women confuse authority with aggression.

As a society, boys are taught early on to work together and play on teams such as baseball and football, which teaches them valuable skills in team effort. Girls on the other hand are raised to be individuals, to dress-up, make-up, and play with Barbie dolls and to behave in a manner acquiescent of “sugar and spice and everything nice.” As girls mature into adulthood, the spirit of teamwork isn’t as developed, and it’s often why a woman finds herself fending for herself in the workplace.

Women are often easy targets

It’s common sense that bullies pick on the ones least likely to fight back and the ones most targeted are women who are often viewed as more accommodating.

“Women targets are less likely to confront in response to being bullied. But targets, of both genders, rarely react with aggression. Bullies sense who will be an easier mark,” says Dr. Gary Namie, co-founder of The Workplace Bullying Institute. “Targets do not defend themselves because either they are unable or unwilling to do so.”

In cases of bullying, both male and female bosses targeted women more frequently, albeit in different ways. Male bosses were more direct and vocal in their harassment while women bosses were indirect and passive-aggressive about it.

Typically, women target other females because they feel women are simply easier to bully. It could also be that women bosses still feel inferior to other males in the office and seek to maintain her authority by dominating the women in the office.

Faith Bell, a doctoral candidate at Walden University, recalls the time when she was the target of a female boss. “She made me terminate employees, whether I was their supervisor or not. I felt like she covertly tried to sabotage my employment.” Bell admits being scarred by her past experiences though she is quick to point out that she was able to move on by simply refusing to let one woman stand in the way of her success.

Women are naturally competitive

As children, girls were never quite sensitized to working together so it’s a natural progression for young women to always seek to out perform another woman. It’s a constant battle to be the homecoming Queen— the smartest, prettiest, most popular one dating the coveted high school Quarterback.

This also maybe why women tend to judge one another more often and more harshly: Competent women, intelligent women, popular women and attractive women are often singled out.

Examples of girl-on-girl aggression are exemplified in teen films like Heathers, Mean Girls and Pretty in Pink. It’s a view at how girls dominate and overpower one another in order to be the leader; it’s this concept of being the envy of all the other girls, which follows many women into the workforce.

“Insecurity is the underlying issue. Some women, who have worked very hard to get to their position in an organization, may feel threatened if a prettier, younger, more educated, etc. woman comes up the ranks quicker than they did,” says Caroline Hazen, human resources professional.

Unfortunately women-on-women harassment is a battle where there are never any winners. It hurts qualified women from achieving the kind of success most are entitled to. It also hurts the reputation of women workers and this can often lead to male employees getting to the top first.

Resolving women-on-women conflicts

Tips for the management:

As with any matters involving employee relations, the onus is on the management to resolve matter of conflicts. The problem here is that in most of the cases involving boss-subordinate issues, the company human resources managers tend to look the other way, putting the blame on what is presumed to be the “difficult employee.” The boss is usually the one with power and in a game of power politicking, the subordinate is always deemed more dispensable than the supervisor.

However this is where most companies err in judgment because it’s often more costly to continuously replace employees while making up for lost productivity. The employer must take necessary steps to alleviate and resolve conflicts between employees, taking into account those workers that frequently exhibit the most egregious behavior.

The one with most complaints against them should be the focus of the attention and if this happens to the supervisor in question, it’s best that her direct report be alerted to the situation. The worst thing that company management can do is to do nothing.

Tips for employees and bosses:

For both women bosses and subordinates, it’s crucial to acknowledge how each member can contribute to the good of the company. Always assume that you have something to learn from the other— a boss can learn as much from her subordinates as much as the subordinates can learn from the boss.

Don’t feel threatened and insecure by someone who seems to know more than you. Use their knowledge to learn different and new ways of doing something. Thank the other person for showing you something new.


Praise each other when the opportunity arises— “Nice job on that presentation.” You will find compliments often get reciprocated. This is one of the best ways of dissolving some of the tension in your work relationship.

And always be open, honest and forgiving in an effort to develop that long-term positive relationship.

Standing up for yourself, the right way

Many women feel reluctant to come forward with a complaint for fear of termination but truth is, if someone is indeed bullying you, blaming you, and abusing you, it’s likely that she will terminate you anyway. Also, remember that bullies do always back down.

First and foremost, try to approach your boss by sending an email explaining how her actions hurt your performance and company’s bottom line. Be diplomatic but firm and let her know that her abusive behavior hurts everyone in the long run.

Expect that once she receives the email, she will probably retaliate against you— reducing your pay, increasing your workload, verbally reprimanding you on your “bad performance”— are some common incidences of retaliation.

If this happens, you need make a formal complaint to HR and your boss’s direct report. Doing this could be your best defense against termination and here is why:

Indicate in your complaint that your boss is retaliating against you for approaching her about her abusive actions. Being a woman automatically puts you in the protected class so try to make your formal complaint be about getting targeted for being a woman. It doesn’t matter that the bully is another female— if she bullies only females and coddles the male employees, it’s still gender bias. Also, retaliation is illegal so if you let HR know that this is going on, they’ll be very hesitant to discharge you.

Tell your boss’s supervisor or your company HR that you feel physically and mentally injured by the constant abuse. If you have other coworkers experiencing similar abuse, try to come forward together. In all likelihood, your company management will look into the matter pretty quickly if you put your complaint in those terms.

Hopefully, it never has to be carried this far but some workplace issues can’t ever be resolved with a single complaint. But realize that often times, people who do take a stand have a healthier outlook about their career prospects. So given that, do you really want to give up your right to work in healthy environment?

For more articles from Ji Hyun Lee, please check out:

The Politics Series: The Politics of Facebook Friending your Colleagues | The Politics of being a Woman on the Job: Why can’t we all just get along? | The Politics of Being Young on the Job: Managing the Kid Boss | The Politics of being cute on the job: Are you too Sexy for the Workplace? | The Politics of the bad boss | The Politics of Office Romance

The Lists: | Five Ways to Battle the Office Backstabber | Ten Signs that You Might be a Difficult Employee

Everything in between: Tips for managing the Millennial Generation | When You’re Smarter than the Boss | Knowing When to Speak Up and When Not to |Equal Work, Unequal Pay: What to do if You’re the Victim of Gender Discrimination

Do you need advice dealing with awful coworkers, bosses and other workplace issues? Find the author on Twitter @JiHyun42 or email, jihyunnyc@gmail.com, and tell her all about it. You could be featured in an upcoming article!

Tags: bullying coworkers, competitive coworkers, conflicting personalities, difficult employees, good-looking coworkers, jealous coworkers, office backstabbers, office gossip, office politics, the cute and sexy employee, women-on-women abuse
Posted in Employee Relations, The Politics Series | 2 Comments »

The politics of being cute on the job: Are you too sexy for the workplace?

In the treacherous environment of office politics where everything can and will be used against you, is there such a thing as being too good-looking?

“I think beauty is an advantage in any environment or situation. Of course it won’t be a decisive factor in our performances but you can always count on it when developing a network,” says Gabriel Descalu, a corporate recruiter based in Europe

According to a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology from researchers at the University of Florida, attractive children who received more encouragement in academic endeavors were subjected to more positive interactions with others. The study concluded that being treated better in academic settings meant more substantial advantages for attractive people because of the confidence they acquired, and that translated to higher income.

But what complicates matters is the fact that the cute factor has different and often opposite consequences for male and female employees. Good-looking men are viewed with respect and admiration. Many women, on the other hand, find that a good face and a nice figure incite undue criticism and jealousy.

While many people might scoff at the notion that being attractive can be anything but a boon in the work place, many employees are finding that a prettier/handsomer face often gets in the way of doing a good job.

Here are some signs to recognize if you feel like the work environment has turned on you because of your looks.

Your accomplishments get overshadowed

You never miss a deadline. You’re punctual, friendly and always contribute ideas that get implemented. So when you produce work that is stellar, why aren’t your colleagues recognizing your achievements?

“If you want to be quote unquote ‘taken seriously’ you have to play down your looks, irrespective of what your other accomplishments might be. It’s a kind of socialism in the workplace,” says Noelle Ibrahim, a consultant based in New York.

One reason may be that the coworkers feel that your looks puts you at an unfair advantage and begrudges you any share in positive feed back.

“Frequently, people assume any achievements relate to your beauty instead of your brains,” says Dr. Helen Harkness, career counselor and founder of Career Design Associates.


While it’s important for anyone’s self-esteem to receive due recognition for excellent output, the best advice here is to not take too things personally. If the quality of your work is good, it doesn’t matter who praises you. It’s quite common in an office setting for colleagues and bosses to stay mum on good results but speak up loudly when things fall apart.

You attract unwanted attention

“Physical beauty creates notice in the workplace,” notes Dr. Harkness. This is the number complaint from good-looking female employees— unwanted attention from undesirable coworkers and even supervisors. Harkness suggests moving the attention away from beauty to one’s brains and ability instead.

For women, the challenge is to not let your frustration turn into anger. It is easy to let these feeling get mingled but when you get angry, you end up saying and doing things that you might ultimately regret later on. Be careful how tread these murky waters because any complaint can lead you in the danger zone of sexual harassment.

First thing to do if you are receiving too many comments about your appearance is to detract those praises towards your skills. If a male coworker remarks, “Those are some sexy shoes.” You could reply with something like, “Thank you. Now only if my presentation this morning was sexy enough to close that deal.”

Another thing to do is to drop hints about your “wonderful husband/boyfriend.” If men are pursuing you, they’d be more likely to be discouraged knowing that you’re in a committed relationship. If you’re single, you might try to engage in dialogue about your desire to have a big family someday. “Isn’t the Octo-Mom fabulous? I wish I could have 8 babies.” This should be a guaranteed turn off for men everywhere.

A third thing to try is by making the subject of your office conversation be always about the work at hand instead of letting conversation drift into personal territory. If the dialogue in the office is always about the newest movie in the theater, you don’t have to engage in a type of conversation that can easily lead the opposite sex to invite you out.

The worst thing that can happen is that you get labeled a workaholic and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You get treated with cool indifference

Workers that are physically attractive can also be victims of the “too cool to touch” syndrome. Many pretty women will complain that good looks often deter others from approaching and this can be damaging on the job where teamwork is often highly valued.

For men, physical beauty is an asset here because more often than not, coworkers value a man’s comeliness over that of a woman’s. “Men can be more attractive and get away with it,” notes Dr. Harkness. The handsome male employee is twice as likely to be promoted and respected than the pretty female employee.

To gain respect and acceptance from colleagues, put the focus on connecting with people in the office. Humor is always appreciated and if you can find ways to make colleagues and bosses laugh, it’s a great icebreaker. Even though coworkers may be reluctant to approach you at first, if you make your personality stand out through clever and funny anecdotes, it’s bound to bring people to your side.

“It is more about approachability. I know some folks who are not considered very attractive but are very successful in the business world because they are wonderful communicators,” says Anna Wildermuth, an image consultant coach at Personal Images Inc.

Jealousy is ruining your work life

Coworkers are notorious for letting jealousy get in the way of a productive work environment. Especially if you happen to be an attractive member of

the team, your appearance can often be the driving factor in the minds of others and not the quality of your work.

“People are just ravenously jealous of physical beauty, especially if you are a woman,” says Ibrahim. Be prepared to take some hits if you are a woman working on a team of mostly women— the dynamic can be a particularly brutal one.

To avoid conflict, do your best not to bring attention to your looks. Moderation is always key in an office setting so if you have new apparel, don’t show it off all at once. Stick to neutral colors and a tidy hairdo. Your objective is to move the focus to the work at hand.Because most jealousies stem from insecurities— male and female— the best advice in combating this is by helping others know that you are on their team. Allay the fears of jealous coworkers and bosses by sharing credit for your efforts. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without your support.”

Try complimenting others on their successes while you secretly bask in your own achievements. Humility goes a long way in the work environment. If you are willing to acknowledge others for their efforts, it’s much harder for them to begrudge you your accomplishments. Also, there is truth to the old saying, ‘keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.’ Those that start as rivals could easily end up as friends and many successful professional relationships have stemmed from such auspicious beginnings.

You’re the target of office gossip

With unwanted attention from coworkers comes the natural tendency for people to talk. Because physical beauty incites curiosity, it makes it that much

easier for people to want to know more about you.

Be wary of coworkers who spend too much time talking with you and with others. Because random chatter can easily balloon, keep conversations moderate and limited to work-related topics. Don’t vocalize your preference for anyone in the office and most definitely, don’t express your complaints about anyone.

Remember that intelligence and competence always wins out. So no matter what people say, keep your attention on doing the best you can. No one should be able to argue that you don’t work hard and that your work is less than exemplary. If you stay neutral on all non-personal conversations, chances are that office mates will just find you uninteresting and leave you to do your work.

In the complex world of office politics, it just may be your greatest achievement.

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For more articles from Ji Hyun Lee, please check out:

The Politics Series: The Politics of Facebook Friending your Colleagues | The Politics of being a Woman on the Job: Why can’t we all just get along? | The Politics of Being Young on the Job: Managing the Kid Boss | The Politics of being cute on the job: Are you too Sexy for the Workplace? | The Politics of the bad boss | The Politics of Office Romance

The Lists: | Five Ways to Battle the Office Backstabber | Ten Signs that You Might be a Difficult Employee

Everything in between: Tips for managing the Millennial Generation | When You’re Smarter than the Boss | Knowing When to Speak Up and When Not to |Equal Work, Unequal Pay: What to do if You’re the Victim of Gender Discrimination

Do you need advice dealing with awful coworkers, bosses and other workplace issues? Find the author on Twitter @JiHyun42 or email, jihyunnyc@gmail.com, and tell her all about it. You could be featured in an upcoming article!

Tags: bullying coworkers, competitive coworkers, conflicting personalities, difficult employees, good-looking coworkers, jealous coworkers, office backstabbers, office gossip, office politics, sexual harrassment, the cute and sexy employee, two-faced bosses, women-on-women abuse
Posted in Employee Relations, The Politics Series | 12 Comments »

Ten signs you might be a difficult employee

If you despise the company you work for, believe that your salary is a fraction of what you’re worth, or that you know better than your coworkers, boss and even the CEO, you might be considered a difficult employee.

While these traits describe many workers today, a little confidence and a bit of self-esteem when viewed in a competitive work environment can easily manifest itself into an over-abundance of self-worth. Coworkers and managers can recognize this and label someone difficult. If the work atmosphere is devoid of strong management, trouble is likely to ensue for the targeted ‘difficult’ employee.

“People do like to talk about difficult employees but I think that both concepts implicitly put 100 percent of the responsibility on the identified person. Rarely is this the case,” says Rick Brenner, a principal at Chaco Canyon Consulting, an organizational management company specializing in workplace conflicts. “Usually, both parties to a relationship contribute something to the problems. So I like to think about ‘difficult’ relationships.”


Unfortunately, an employee’s likability factor rarely has anything to do with popularity, skill-set and intelligence. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of being in the right place, at right time, with the right people. Not all employees are created equal and because the work environment is a land mine of conflicting personalities, ask yourself if you could be the problem.

Here are some signs to recognize in order to avoid getting labeled a difficult employee.

10. Everyone in the office knows of all your personal problems
There is something to be said for sharing yourself but when you’re sharing the drama of your personal life to your colleagues, it’s a huge distraction for workers looking to meet a deadline. No one is interested in your latest love prospect or your quarrels with a family member. The office is where you work, not where you live so it’s best to keep your dirty laundry at home where it belongs.

9. You don’t accept feedback from anyone
Not only is this a sign of a difficult employee, it’s a sign of a difficult person. “Such people have little capacity to learn and to improve upon their weaknesses,” says Mark Birch, vice president of marketing at WingSpread, a technology solutions provider. It is also the one trait that is least tolerated in the workplace.

The inability to accept criticism and suggestions from others is also hardest on the boss managing the independent-minded solo staffer. In all likelihood, you will end up getting terminated if you don’t learn to take in what people are saying.

8. Getting additional assignments puts you in a bad mood
No one likes to be burdened with more work but your reaction plays a huge part in whether you’re a valued member of your organization or someone they deem a dispensable employee. Especially in a down economy where unemployment is at an all time high, managers often determine an employee’s worth by evaluating his/her work ethic. If you’re always open to additional responsibility, the company automatically sees the value of your employment.

If you refuse additional work, or grumble about it at every turn, you’ll be perceived as someone who is not a team player and doesn’t carry his/her weight and this will put you in a very bad light with your bosses and coworkers.

7. You complain to HR about your workload, coworkers and bosses
No one likes a complainer, especially one who complains about the job, coworkers and the bosses. Human Resources departments rarely intervene in office politics so if you have problems with your coworkers or bosses, it’s advised to deal with it one-on-one with the individuals involved in your issues.

It’s also very important to remember that there is always a chain of command in the workplace so going straight to HR, instead of your direct supervisor can also ruffle some feathers, which is not going to help you resolve conflicts any faster.

6. It’s always about you
If you’re always asking a coworker to take over on projects, fill-in for you on days when you take a personal day, it’s a clear sign that you’re unreliable. Again, an employee who only watches his/her own back and disregards others in the office is someone that is easily dispensable by the company.
The “Me” employee sometimes can also share similar characteristic of those referenced in point 10— someone who likes to share him/herself a bit too much with others in ways that’s annoying.

5. You don’t hold yourself accountable
“A symptom of this can be seen in people that pass the buck, or blame others for failures,” says Birch. Very few people are capable of owning up to their mistakes, but those who are capable of it are the ones who end up in leadership positions.

Those who blame others, or jump in to take credit for someone else’s accomplishments, usually end up on the bottom of the company hierarchy. These types of employees are also workplace backstabbers who watch from a distance ready to shame and blame others in attempt to create job sabotage.

4. You don’t believe in the company’s mission
You don’t have to like cosmetics or even wear it to work for Revlon cosmetics but if you’re constantly heard in the office making snarky comments about your company, its products and services, it can be damaging to office morale.

Being critical of your company also destroys the spirit of teamwork and it creates a barrier with your coworkers who are apt to distrust your judgment in projects. No matter what your company stands for, if you choose to separate yourself from your employers, your employers will want to separate from you as well.

3. You’re a know-it-all who upstages your boss and everyone else
There’s something to be said for contributing good ideas to the company but when you make it a daily mission to push your ideas on colleagues while denigrating the efforts of others, you are setting yourself up to be targeted for harsh criticism and gossip. Especially if you undermine the efforts of your managers, chances are you won’t last very long in your job.


“How the employee interacts with junior employees, same level employees, supervisors and upper level management creates an interesting situation,” says David Gabor, an employment attorney at Gabor and Gabor. “I think that the difficult employee is the one who steadfastly refuses to recognize the need to be able to work with all four groups in an effective, professional and responsible manner.”

2. You will do anything to get to the top
If success is on your radar so strongly that ethical boundaries often get blurred in your quest to climb the corporate ladder, it’s a clear indicator that you are a nightmare employee. People who disregard others by spreading office gossip, stealing ideas, or by pointing fingers is an employee who creates an atmosphere of tension in the workplace.

Distrust and hostility in the work environment is highly contagious so be prepared for an untimely exit from the company if you happen to be a worker who has on occasion sabotaged others with your bad behavior.

1. Colleagues are afraid of you
If you’ve wondered why you haven’t been getting invited out for social events with your colleagues, if people avoid making eye contact with you, or get uncomfortable working with you on a project, it may be because you’re a workplace bully. There are many mitigating factors why coworkers and even your bosses don’t want you on their team but if you recognize people moving away from you instead of towards you, there is a communication barrier around you that needs to be addressed.

No one likes a bully and if you’re one of those people who have been labeled, “aggressive” and “pushy,” you need to soften up and re-brand yourself to be more approachable.

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For more articles from Ji Hyun Lee, please check out:

The Politics Series: The Politics of Facebook Friending your Colleagues | The Politics of being a Woman on the Job: Why can’t we all just get along? | The Politics of Being Young on the Job: Managing the Kid Boss | The Politics of being Cute on the Job: Are you too Sexy for the Workplace? | The Politics of the bad boss | The Politics of Office Romance

The Lists: Five Ways to Battle the Office Backstabber | Ten Signs that You Might be a Difficult Employee

Everything in between: Tips for managing the Millennial Generation | When You’re Smarter than the Boss | Knowing When to Speak Up and When Not to |Equal Work, Unequal Pay: What to do if You’re the Victim of Gender Discrimination

Do you need advice dealing with awful coworkers, bosses and other workplace issues? Find the author on Twitter @JiHyun42 or email, jihyunnyc@gmail.com, and tell her all about it. You could be featured in an upcoming article!

Tags: bullying coworkers, conflicting personalities, difficult employees, human resources, office politics
Posted in Employee Relations, Lists | 12 Comments »

Five ways to battle the office backstabber

Admit it. You’ve got one in your office. Perhaps you’ve been accused of being one. The back stabber is someone no one wants to know and unless you’re educated in the ways of tackling one of these energy-suckers, you’re in for a long and painful battle in the tough world of office politics.

According to Dr. Mitchell Kusy, management consultant and co-author of Toxic Workplace! Managing Toxic Personalities and their Systems of Power, both male and female workers practice backbiting behavior with equal intensity. In a research that Kusy conducted with over 400 respondents, the backstabbing worker exhibited certain distinctive character traits. “If you notice that those above think ‘she’ is wonderful in spite of repeated accounts from those below her of backstabbing, team meddling, and manipulation, you are probably dealing with the chameleon,” Kusy says.

Then there are the connivers who gain respect for attacking the efforts of other workers and distrusting colleagues. While it may be hard to believe that any company leader would tolerate such unethical behavior, Kusy points out that “many superiors are easily duped into believing that these negative employees are ‘indispensable’ largely because these passive-aggressive workers are masters at convincing everyone of their inflated sense of importance and productivity.”

First thing that any aggrieved employee needs to do is assess the situation to make sure that there is no misunderstanding. If you can free yourself of any blame, then check to see if other workers are also sharing the same frustration. Having allies in the workplace can be powerful weapons in dealing with hostile co-workers so do your best to keep your office buddies close.

Secondly, watch out for some clues to the tactics of the typical job saboteur and if any of these thought come to your mind, you’re probably being targeted by a co-worker frenemy.

He gossips about me

“From our research over 17 years, we have found gossip and backbiting are the number one killer of communication trust in teams. Nine out of 10 employees experience this phenomenon in the workplace,” says Dr. Dennis Reina, an organizational psychologist and co-author of the book, Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace: Building Effective Relationships in Your Organization.

“Gossip is destructive because it damages relationships, invites retaliation and creates an environment of distrust. Ultimately, it causes the workplace to feel emotionally unsafe,” he says.

Before taking any action, aggrieved workers should differentiate between gossip and misunderstanding. Were things heard through the grapevine or did you actually hear your co-workers making untrue comments about you?

It’s crucial for employees to pick their battles selectively and with caution. As a good barometer, Dr. Reina recommends asking, ‘How would the person being talked about perceive the situation if they were standing there?’

If the gossip is about how you dress, talk, or the bizarre lunches you bring to work, let those comments roll off your back. It’s not high school and if you call attention to frivolous things, you could become labeled a “complainer” and likely lose an opportunity to complain if a bigger issue arises later on.

However, if the backstabbing employee is making rounds to other co-workers about the ‘poor’ quality of your work and making other unfounded accusations, these are things that need to be addressed immediately. Office gossip spreads fast and the more harmful it is the more likely people will devour it.

A good way to confront your nemesis is to send it via email. Be pleasant and non-confrontational but make a point to let the gossiper know when, where and what you heard. Be polite and friendly when you refute unfounded accusations. Close off the email with something like, “As you know, I’m doing my best as we all are. I really hope that we can overcome this misunderstanding because I think we would make a great team.”

No, you don’t have to be friends with the slippery snake, but if you put it in such a nice way as to be respectful and inclusive, you are likely to find a stunned and embarrassed backstabber. Remember the old saying— keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.

© carla f. castagno | dreamstime.com

She stole my idea!

“If you are smart and consistently have good ideas, then it opens you up to having your ideas stolen by conniving co-workers. Especially if you are new and don’t know office politics,” says Lerzan Aksoy, professor at Fordham University and co-author of the book Why Loyalty Matters. Unfortunately, this is one of the most common complaints voiced by employees. When you spend days and nights agonizing over a presentation, it’s absolutely infuriating when you find that someone else has taken your words and copied and pasted it as their own. Aksoy suggests that the problem could stem from the fact that your great ideas are not being communicated to your boss in a timely manner— doing this eliminates the opportunity for conniving workers. “It’s very important to build a rapport with your primary manager and maintain communication with him/her about your ideas,” she says.

A great way to accomplish this is by sending email updates to your boss and colleagues about the progress of your work. You can also ask others if they had any suggestions for improvement on your ideas. That way, you have a documented record of your work and other people’s suggestions.

If your work has already been snatched, the best advice here is to talk to the guilty colleague. Be diplomatic and sincere when you let the thieving co-worker know how you feel. “I’m really hurt that you took this work from me but I also know you did it because you like my ideas. Why don’t we try brainstorming together next time so we can both put our talents to use?”

Depending on how friendly you are with your boss consider bringing him into the loop about a co-worker’s deception. Once put on notice, the guilty worker will be very reluctant to try to pull the same stunt on you again.

© nina vaclavova | dreamstime.com

Getting singled out for blame

If you’re feeling like the fingers are getting pointed at you for things unrelated to your job duties, step back and honestly assess the situation.

“Start by considering what you may be doing, perhaps even unconsciously, that may make you into a likely scapegoat,” says Ben Dattner, founder of Dattner Consulting, an organizational management company based in New York City.

There might be legitimate reasons that you are the one getting blamed for oversight and if this is the case take the necessary steps to make amends. “If you are being unfairly scapegoated, try to focus on your work and on proactively helping others. People are much less likely to blame and single out colleagues with whom they have norms of reciprocity,” advises Dattner.

People who do a lot of blaming do it out of insecurity— they’re often not confident in their own abilities so they try to make someone else the appear as the incompetent one.

Insecure people are often terrified of confidence and ability so if you can just let your work speak for itself, it should be enough to scare of a sneaky co-worker out to ruin your efforts.

Also realize that your other colleagues are able to distinguish real fault where it’s required. So there is no need to panic that everyone blames you for every little thing. If people haven’t spoken up to defend you against the malicious office mate, it’s because they just don’t want to get involved in office politics.

Best advice here is to shrug off silly accusations and confidently refute the more serious ones.

© dawn hudson | dreamstime.com

He thinks he’s the boss of me

Sometimes a co-worker will take it upon himself to be the voice of authority when the boss isn’t around. He may come to your desk and try to give you new projects to do, or distract you with unplanned meetings.

“If the problem is a bossy co-worker to whom you do not report, the most important first step is polite conversation. Often this type of behavior is done as a means of getting attention,” says Aksoy. “If, however, the problem is more that the co-worker is indeed a jerk, then he/she is probably not just being a jerk to you. Come together with other victims, and raise the issue to your management.”

A colleague who is trying to be your boss is insecure in his own status. Office maggots often prey upon co-workers who pose the most threat to their own success—bosses, the good-looking and smart workers who incite jealousy, and a colleague in line for a promotion— are often targets of manipulative workers.

Showing your confidence by putting your efforts in your work will send enough of message that you’re not going to be bullied into becoming someone else’s personal assistant.

Aksoy also points out that imbalance of power between colleagues is often a symptom of a management problem. “When employees are not clear on their responsibilities or are subject to favoritism, don’t feel supported…then infighting can be the result,” she says. “It’s akin to animals fighting over a shrinking waterhole.”

It’s all the more reason to bring this up with upper management on the colleague who thinks he’s everybody’s boss. Your supervisor will likely appreciate you for it!

© roman belykh | dreamstime.com

I’m being sabotaged!

If the actions of your devious office-mate are putting your productivity on the line, then you are being sabotaged and you need to put a cease and desist on the malicious worker.

“It’s helpful to first understand whether there is in fact backstabbing going on. It may be your own paranoia,” says Dattner. “As the saying goes, ‘just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.’ You may need to confront the person and let them know that you’re on to them,” he advises.

Karen Young, a news editor at a large consumer publication found much success in the editorial content she produced. Week after week, her articles found themselves on the home pages of major portals sites like AOL and Yahoo, which brought her praise from her boss and even the company’s CEO. Her colleague, Matt was also an editor, but his articles were yet to be syndicated by any portal content partners. One day, he took Karen to the side and confided to her that other co-workers were making fun of her behind her back, “No one here likes you,” he said. He went on to tell her that he thought that perhaps she had some “mental defect.”

This is a classic example of job sabotage. A co-worker engaging with another in such mean-spirited and work-depleting dialogue serves no positive purpose other than to upset and disrupt the successful colleague from continuing in her productivity.

“I was horrified. How can a colleague say I’m mentally defective if I’m bringing the company’s Web site traffic into the millions,” Young says. “It’s just not appropriate. Clearly, he was just jealous of what I was accomplishing.”

To combat overt offenses from co-worker saboteurs, here is what Dattner suggests.

“Gently let the offender know that what they are doing is hurting them more than it’s hurting you,” he says. Ideally, your boss will stand on your side when you bring this up, but Dattner admits that especially in the corporate environment, “backstabbing is the rule rather than the exception.”

Still, if you’re in good standing with your managers and the kind of offenses imposed on you are egregious enough to hurt your productivity and the company’s bottom line, a wise boss should work with you to put an end to unethical behavior at work.

Because in the end, if you like your job and you’re good at what you do, why should someone else deprive you of opportunity to climb the corporate ladder of successes?

© ioana grecu | dreamstime.com

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For more articles from Ji Hyun Lee, please check out:

The Politics Series: The Politics of Facebook Friend Requests from Your Colleagues | The Politics of being a Woman on the Job: Why can’t we all just get along? | The Politics of Being Young on the Job: Managing the Kid Boss | The Politics of being cute on the job: Are you too Sexy for the Workplace? | The Politics of the bad boss | The Politics of Office Romance

The Lists:  Five Ways to Battle the Office Backstabber | Ten Signs that You Might be a Difficult Employee

Everything in between: Tips for managing the Millennial Generation | When You’re Smarter than the Boss | Knowing When to Speak Up and When Not to |Equal Work, Unequal Pay: What to do if You’re the Victim of Gender Discrimination

Do you need advice dealing with awful coworkers, bosses and other workplace issues? Find the author on Twitter @JiHyun42 or email, jihyunnyc@gmail.com, and tell her all about it. You could be featured in an upcoming article!

Tags: bullying coworkers, conflicting personalities, getting singled out for blame, good-looking coworkers, jealous coworkers, office backstabbers, office gossip, office politics
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